This is my nephew and my brother. I miss them both so much, but unlike my nephew; I wont be seeing my brother again… Only through photographs and little videos that were taken when he was still alive. It’s hard to accept that you,ve permanently lost someone. Many people would say that he’s not really gone and that his spirit is still here, I would love to believe that… That he’s just there guiding us and watching us, I just wish he was here to make more amazing memories with everyone he meets.
See… I love him so much but I was always horrible at showing my feelings… I wish I told him more that I love him and missed him. I wish I visited him in the Philippines. I wish I didn’t get stuck with all this crap like my job and school and friends. I wish I didn’t lost him so soon. I’m just so sorry for not showing the same affection that he showed me.
i dont know wth im doing alan. i keep going to your facebook to see something from you. you’re gone and i need to accept that. but everything happened so fast that it’s one of the hardest thing that ive ever had to do. we weren’t bestfriends or anything like that but we were close. we always acted the way we usually do no matter how far we’ve been apart. im sorry that the last time we saw each other was when matt and i were arguing. i bet it was such an awkward moment for you - but yet u didnt act phased at all.. u were still ur happy self- trying to calm everyone down and laugh it off. you wanted that blanket from urban outfitters and ever since that day, i always thought of you when i go to that area of urban outfitters. i really dont know wtf im doing but i miss you.
it’s honestly quite difficult for me to take in that you’re gone. It was exactly a year ago when we visited you. I remember barging into your room to surprise you. I remember waking you were just sitting on your computer- you looked so happy to see me since we havent seen each other in months. I remember you letting me lay on your bed just to take a nap, i remember that many times. I remember drinking plum wine with you which later on became my favorite wine. I remember the soup that you taught me to make. I remember that ridiculous bear hat that you always had with the paws. These were little things and i didnt know would mean to much. I just really miss you and your random hello’s and text messages. i really cant believe youre gone. this is hurting me so much more than im showing people.
i just expected you to be waiting at the party house upstairs, playing your immogen heap. i’ll write about you until i move on. i wont try to forget anything, i just need to let go.
